For My Girls (and Boys Who Enjoy Eavesdropping), Part 2

I am a Disney Princess at heart. I believe in magical shoes like Cinderella, sing Ariel’s songs when I’m alone, was raised in Tiana’s homeland, love to read like Belle, spent most of my life avoiding apples because of Snow White. I know that someday, at the stroke of midnight, I will let down my hair and discover a whole new world just around the river bend! I will kiss the frog who will turn into a prince just as the last rose petal falls! Finally, on a beautiful white horse, we will gallop away to Happily Ever After against a magical backdrop of floating lanterns!

Ah, the Princess fluff! It’s the cotton candy of my heart. You know, solid sugar, sticky, ultimately bad for you but it’s just irresistible! The Prince and Princess Charming dream all little girls have is often a lifelong, all consuming disease. It can eat up our insides just like cotton candy eventually does to our teeth (despite the best dental products.)

Reality check. For as many years as we spend dreaming about Prince Charming, there are equally as many spent obsessing about every stupid thing he, whoever he is at the moment, did to make him obviously NOT Prince Charming. We girls spend endless hours dissecting our Prince Charming candidates to the point that they are unrecognizable. Why do we do that? Why do we feel the need to rip every boy apart? The truth is that every Perfect Man is looking for the Perfect Woman.

The Perfect Woman. Who is she? (Yes, I see you, oh one who thinks it’s funny to raise her hand.)

Proverbs 31 has a lot to say about her. Allow me to skip around to my favorites verses about her.

She is worth far more than rubies (verse 10). She is trustworthy (verse 11). She does good and not evil all the days of her life (verse 12). She covers herself with strength (verse 13). She extends her hands to the poor. She reaches out her hands to the needy (verse 14). She is not afraid of bad weather (verse 21). Strength and honor are her clothing (verse 25). She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness (verse 26). She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness (verse 27).

Kind of a high standard, huh? (Still raising your hand, Smarty Skirt?) When you have time, please go through and read the whole chapter. It is an amazing definition of the Perfect Woman. Who I am not. Not even close.

Which brings me back to my original topic. The Perfect Man is looking for the Perfect Woman. Since I hope I have proven that the Perfect Woman is not most of us, I then hope you have inferred that the Perfect Man is equally difficult to not only find (for us girls), but to be (for you boys who are eavesdropping).

The core of our Prince and Princess Charming obsession is this longing for a meaningful, everlasting relationship. We want to feel loved unconditionally. We want to be pampered. We want to feel secure. We crave that intimacy of having someone know us inside and out. Someone who knows the little details that make us who we are, all of our flaws and imperfections, all of our quirks and accomplishments…and loves us because of them and in spite of them.

We so easily waste minutes, hours, days and decades searching for this Prince Charming. We girls are too often willing to compromise, willing to hurt ourselves and sometimes others, willing to do just about anything to insure that our Prince Charming will notice us and whisk us away. When he doesn’t, with our broken hearts and sometimes loss of innocence, we look into the mirror feeling like we are no longer The Fairest of Them All.

Feeling all alone and rejected, after we’ve busted the windows out of his car and gone through an entire drugstore’s worth of Kleenex, after we have ripped him apart to all of our friends and blamed him entirely for every tear and then turn the blame on ourselves, someone (in my case, my beautiful pastor’s wife, Stacey Shaw) will quietly remind us about the Ultimate Prince Charming. He thinks we are beautiful and He will take all of our brokenness and create a something new. He loves us unconditionally.

If we could only remember that last part first. As little girls, we obsessively dream of Prince Charming. When he will come. Our beautiful dress. The flowers and music. Perfect bliss forever. What if we, as big girls, could replace all of those dreams, pure fantasy at best, with the picture of Jesus as our Prince Charming?

He is perfect. He knows us inside and out. He has been there for every moment of triumph. He has seen every broken heart and every smile. He has heard all of our laughter. He understands our train of thought even when we talk in circles. He knows every imperfection, every flaw, every mistake. He has been there in every moment of weakness. He loves us because of every one and in spite of every one.

How is it easier for us to waste so much of our energy consumed with Prince and Princess Charming concept, complete with hurt and disappointment each time we are wrong, than it is to accept that Jesus will never leave or forsake us? We so willingly go from relationship to relationship, pretend “magic fairy dust” will cover our mistakes and act all surprised when we end up wrong. Why do we prefer to risk everything than to sit back and let God, Who is perfect, Who never fails, Who knows what is best for us always, be in control?

How much time have I wasted trying to make my life into a Disney Princess story? Almost 25 years. This year has not been the prettiest page in my coloring book. It’s been messy. It’s been the wicked stepmother, evil dragon, poisoned apple, dark dungeon, Captain Hook… all rolled into one plus a scene from a horror movie, which Disney doesn’t produce but still seems applicable. All the result of me trying to write my own story.

I’m not the Perfect Woman. But my Prince Charming, Jesus, not only knows that I’m not perfect, but loves me because of it and in spite of it. I wouldn’t trade the messiest page in my coloring book for anything because it has forced me to… well, give the colors to Jesus. As elementary as that sounds. It really is that basic. God made us. He knows we aren’t perfect. He doesn’t expect it.

One of the biggest things we girls struggle with in our relationships with boys is that we don’t know what they are thinking. We are always on the defense about their motives. We do not have to be that way with our Prince of Peace. He is very clear in His motives and His desire for us. Isaiah 61 is a breathtaking explanation of His intentions…

To heal the brokenhearted and to proclaim liberty to the captives (verse 1). To comfort all who mourn (verse 2). To exchange beauty for ashes and joy for mourning and to exchange the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness (verse 3)

And after He has done all of that, the old ruins will be rebuilt (verse 4).

I don’t have to question His intentions. I don’t have to worry about Him not loving me because of my mistakes. My insecurities, my heart, my world is in His hands. He is my Prince Charming.

My gorgeous ball gown is my garment of praise. My bouquet of sweet smelling flowers is the beauty He’s given me replacing my ashes. The smile I can’t wipe off my face is from the inner joy He gave me in place of my mourning. And it is with my whole heart, put back together by His touch, as soft as pixie dust and exponentially more powerful, that I can finally sing…

“So this is love, Mmmmmmm
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I’m all aglow, Mmmmmmm
And now I know the key to all heaven is mine!

My heart has wings, Mmmmm
And I can fly
I’ll touch every star in the sky
So this is the miracle that I’ve been dreaming of
Mmmmmm, Mmmmmm
So this is love!”

Advertisement