Often times, when life gets hectic as it has been the past several weeks, I overanalyse things. Ok, even when life isn’t hectic, I can be a tad overanalytical. There are questions upon questions floating around in my brain. Sometimes, I lay awake for hours pondering life’s many complications.
In a world of chaotic order, where convenience is what we all seek, yet obstacles are what we thrive on, it is easy to get confused. Which is sort of ironic considering all of the resources available to answer every possible question one could ask. Or are there? I submit to you a list of questions that haunt me. I apologize in advance for the many nights of sleep you will loose after reading this (not because it’s lengthy)…
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Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
If the opposite of pro is con does that mean the opposite of progress is congress?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
What happens when you set a slinky on an escalator?
What exactly happens when you hit a can of Cheez Whiz with a sledgehammer?
Why do you either have 5 minutes to get to the gate at the exact opposite end of the airport and 5 hours to get to the gate right next to you?
Do Barbies explode in the microwave?
What IS the Incredible Edible Egg?
What is the universe expanding into?
Is AOL linked somehow linked to the CIA of FBI?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell ‘mnemonic’?
Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?
Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is there an expiry date on my sour cream container?
Why call it a building if it’s already been built?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?
What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
Is there another word for thesaurus?
Is the color orange called that because it’s the color of the fruit of the same name, or was the fruit called orange because that’s its color? Which came first, the color or the fruit?
If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?
If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?
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I’m pretty sure Chuck Norris could answer every single one. He can, after all, slam a revolving door.
How come wise-guy and wise man mean the exact opposite?
If you pull the wings off of a fly, do you call it a walk?
Do you believe in Gosh?
Why do people ask stupid questions?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?