For My Girls (And Boys Who Enjoy Eavesdropping)

I know a lady with nine lives. She has literally been to death’s door tons of times and is still alive. Not only has she been to the door, she has knocked on it, jiggled the handle, pressed the doorbell, turned the key, tapped her foot impatiently, looked through the peep-hole, banged with both fists and thrown pebbles at the glass window. Yet no matter how many times she comes close to death, she always turns around and walks right back into her life. 

 

It’s almost like she does not want to die, even though she has to be 200 years old, if not older. And each time she bounces back, I can’t help but think: what on earth is there for her to live for? She’s old. She has had many battles and a stopped up garbage disposal and a broken heart many times over. The last of which concerns me the most.

 

How many times can a heart get broken before one just gives up on life? Is it true that the first cut is the deepest? And further more, why would anyone go for a second cut? After all, someone who lost their arm in a mowing accident isn’t exactly going to jump back on the lawnmower… they’d probably hire someone.

Life. Life is complicated. Sometimes I wish I was a little girl again, back on Mommy’s lap with a skinned knee. When just a kiss and a bag of ice would make any ailment disappear. Or maybe I wish I was still in the third grade. When we would have to sing those stupid good-morning songs that made my head spin. I would trade one “We Need To Talk” conversation for one million of those daily humiliating incidents.

Life was simpler when the biggest dilemma was which pair of black shoes to wear with that dress. As I am about to graduate, I can’t help but think about the days when coloring inside of the lines was my biggest challenge. Or how I would almost gag when it had been four days and I still hadn’t gotten a letter back from him. (Wow, I’m dating myself here when I mention actual snail-mail writing.) If I knew then what I know now, I think I would have probably done things a little differently. For one thing, I wouldn’t go to the mailbox 112 times a day. The mail comes at 1:30 p.m. and only after that will there be new mail.

It’s not that he, whoever he was at the moment, was not worth fighting for. To all of you eavesdropping boys, you probably are absolutely worth fighting for. However, to my girls, you are all worth holding on to. Never risk your health and happiness fighting for a boy who was stupid enough to let you go. And when your heart gets broken, believe me, the healing hurts worse than the actual break. (To quote my Father, if you haven’t gotten your heart broken yet, please don’t die yet. Live a little while.)

It’s really weird how the heart works. Guys don’t get it. See for girls, it’s not so much that HE broke her heart. It’s that she broke her own heart by overanalyzing every single, microscopic, stupid little detail until she believed, wholeheartedly, that he was the absolutely personification of The List… and we all know about The List.

The List is the thing that every little girl dreams up (yes, dreams up because it does not actually exist in reality) about The One. Who is The One? The One is the perfect manifestation of all that is Prince Charming in flesh. We are encouraged by our Sunday School teachers, older female role models and Walt Disney to conjure up the image of The One and hold on to it for dear life. Not to settle for anything less. And dare not to chase our dreams until The One rides up on his white horse and whisks us away to Happily Ever After.

Um… problem. There is no such thing as The One Perfect Man. People are not perfect. I work at a clothing store. Every winter we get in these FABULOUS leather jackets, made out of the softest lambskin. And every year, they have a tag that says, “This garment is made out of the skin of a lamb raised in the blahblahblah, imperfections in the garment are part of the natural skin of the lamb and are not to be considered defective.” That’s how people are.

Someone really should sue Walt Disney for making every little girl believe there is such thing as a Prince Charming. It’s a nice thought, but seriously, if you really had a man with perfect looks, muscle and style that treated you like you were a porcelain doll incapable of doing anything for yourself, you would… ditch him. Admit it. You would be bored in about five minutes. Ok. Maybe a day or two.

And still we girls cling to this impossible dream. To the point that we are afraid to chase our own dreams for fear that while we are on our journey, The One will get turned around, lost and be too stubborn to call and ask for directions. Which one of you girls really wants to be with a boy who isn’t looking for you? *Pauses while looking for raised hands.*

Believe it or not, I am not some bitter and cynical old hag who is jaded to the point of buying a bunch of cats and dunning a paper sack for eternity. (For one thing, I’m highly allergic to cats.) Its just that I’m tired of seeing so many girls getting hung up on this impossible fantasy and missing out on life because of a boy who was probably never interested in the first place. Life is an adventure. Its why my old lady friend keeps fighting to live.

Don’t let anyone get in the way of you chasing your dreams and living. Yes, there are speed bumps in the road, but that just means you’re moving. Don’t sit in your ivory tower waiting for that guy on his white horse to show up. You have a vehicle. Get in it and speed along… forget this nonsense of a white horse coming to whisk you away. Horses are pretty, but they’re stinky and kinda slow. Get on the fast track of your life. It’s okay to drive by yourself for awhile. This way you can play your own music as loud as you want, sing at the top of your lungs and have the air conditioning on the correct temperature.

Maybe somewhere along the way, you’ll hear someone honking along side of you and turn to see a breathtakingly handsome smile beaming your way. Maybe he’ll even be in a white Mustang convertible. Don’t sit around clicking your heels and waiting for some guy to start your life. Create your own life, chase your own dreams.

At the end of the day, yes, life was a lot simpler back when picking out the perfect outfits for camp was a year-long-painstaking process. But you know what? I’ve learned a lot about God since then…

Before my Papa died, I had never felt God’s peace that passes understanding. I had read about it, heard about but I had never felt it. Before my biggest heartbreak, I did not understand that God sometimes allows bad things to happen just so he can make you stronger for the next battle. Before some broken friendships, I never knew the meaning of God being the Friend That Sticks Closer Than A Brother. Before my 11 years of dealing with a skin disease, I never knew God sometimes waits until you’ve given up on healing to prove that He is a Healer.

And it wasn’t until I reached the lowest point in my life, broken heart and all, that I began understanding that His love never fails. Never. No matter how many times people give up on us, or worst of all, when we give up on ourselves, God never gives up on us. Sometimes it does seem like He isn’t listening. But it wasn’t until after many lonely nights that I realized that sometimes God just wants to see if our faith will outlast His silence.

Don’t give up, girls (and boys). Sometimes life is just gross. Plans don’t always work out. Hearts break. So do bones. Friends come and go. You will break up with every single person you date until you BOTH say, “I do.” So just get used to it…

God has a plan. And it begins long before Prince Charming ever wakes up and smells the coffee. Figure out who God is, who you are and what the two of you can do together (fyi: that’s absolutely everything). And then do it. On purpose.